Today, I deleted someone from my phone book and erased their address from my contact book.
I sent her a text wishing her well, and telling her that this was the last time I would contact her. The person who's no longer on my list of Christmas and birthday cards
and has been taken out of my iPhone hasn't been in touch for a couple
of years now. I've tried numerous times to raise her, not just at
Christmas when most people guiltily realise that we've not been in touch
since last Christmas. I've texted, emailed, phoned and written,
with no response. And so now, sad but resigned, I've decided to make
the effort no longer.
I don't do this often. I'm generally of the view that there's some resolution for arguments, some method of fixing a broken relationship, and so it's very rare indeed that I give up, and stop the communication.
While this is undoubtedly a failure on my part to patch things up, it has also felt oddly liberating. In fact, I'm going to be looking through my ancient address book and making further decisions like this. This will give me more time to spend time with people I care about, people who care about me. People who love me, value me.
My mum is someone who suffers from my pre-occupation with work and friends. This has happened all my life on the basis that to my mind, mum would always be around. After all, I'm her daughter and she is almost obligated to be there when I call.
Except now, she's older. Looking at it dispassionately, I have less time with her than I did last year, and the year before that.
Time, once in plentiful supply - despite the plethora of technology to enable us to do more, more quickly - is now becoming a very precious commodity.
So in 2013, I will concentrate on spending my time with people and family who desire my company, rather than trying to coax a relationship out of those who have other things to do. Time is priceless - I will stop frittering mine away.
