Before Christmas, I went with my partner to her "works do".  I was invited last year, and went, feeling a bit out of place and awkward, not really knowing anyone and having to exchange chit-chat, which generally I loathe.

This year's entertainment - also as last year - was an employee talent show.

The organisers staged a whole array of talent, from a very brave (and young) man doing stand up, to three rather stately ladies from housekeeping performing line dancing, to some wicked satirical songs.  All were cheered, clapped and wolf-whistled, in particular the final act, which was a striptease by the organisers to Tom Jones' You can leave your hat on. 

And as the evening drifted ever more drunkenly on, I felt rather envious. 

As a freelance for the last 14 years, I don't often get to work with a team of people.  While this suits me a lot of the time, being on your own can get a little lonely.  Working with other people - notwithstanding the arguments about whose turn it is to make the tea - gives comradeship, the opportunity to brainstorm with others to create better ideas, and frankly, a laugh when it's raining on a dark Tuesday afternoon in February.

The also gives you, I realised watching people roll around laughing at the in-jokes - is shared meaning.  Jargon may have a dark side, obfuscating definitions and being unfriendly to newcomers, but it also creates belonging, illustrates shared history and experience.

And it's this sharing which made me slightly jealous.  Performers on stage were supported, regardless of how bad they were, and probably, regardless of how well people knew them.  They knew of them, they were 'one of us' and as a result were wildly cheered on.   It was a generous atmosphere, with all critical faculties suspended for the evening. 

As a result of this sense of loss, I'm slowly gathering around me a group of people in the same boat as I am.  People I can talk to, whose opinion I trust and who can spare time to work with me on new ideas and approaches to the work I do.   It's reciprocal - I can offer my thoughts on their work, and to date I have helped with editing, offered additional information, and done some much needed proof-reading.  On the other side of a cup of coffee, I can share gossip, a laugh and give enthusiastic support.

Who knows - we might end up working together, bringing me full circle!